Yeah, maybe i over-thought the entire situation; and maybe i overthink everything; maybe all of these thoughts i should just keep in my head; and not let them loose upon the world. I habitually overthink everything. I am constantly second guessing every statement i make, every action i incur, and whatever consequence comes from it; i go off into my own little multiverse to see which choices lead away in each direction.
Like Dr. Strange; running through the thousands of possibilities; this is how my brain works on a daily basis. there is no situation i do not second guess what has transpired. I will send an innocuous email just letting the client know what the status of a project is; and as soon as i’ve hit the send button i wonder if it was at all necessary for me to have sent the email too soon? Did i express the right information, will they know what i meant? will my statements come back misinterpreted?
I’m not ashamed of how i process information; or how i run through my events. I own it, but this same habit keeps me awake at night. Without given solid information, i am left conjecturing and trying to extrapolate information that i probably will never get. so if at any point you think to yourself “jeebus… can this guy just SHUT IT DOWN?” or maybe you’re thinking “holy shit.. this guy is a god damn mess”, or perhaps, “wow.. nutzo.. ” I cannot shut it down, i am a mess, and yeah, a little crazy. Who wants normal?
I’m not looking to fill a void, and i’m not looking for someone to fix me. I feel like sometimes i’m falling apart, and all i really need is the human version of scotch tape to hold me together for a little while so i don’t completely break up.