I’m comfortable in my own skin; i do what i want to do, and what i have to do; i know what i like, and i know who i am. but at the end of the day, it gets lonely. When was the last time you wanted to just have a nice relaxing morning to wake up, and curl up on the couch with another person, and just have coffee and enjoy that time together.
I haven’t had a good nights sleep in a few weeks now; on average i’m getting about 4 hours of sleep; and while this isn’t usually a problem for me, it begins to drain the soul when you spend so much of the night awake and staring at the ceiling. I often find myself holding a pillow trying to feel some semblance of a warm body to hold. another heartbeat to sync with, to feel comforted and fall back asleep next to.
This whole dating thing is a drag, when i would so much rather just skip through the dating process and go straight to the stage of the relationship when its no longer trying to get the other person to like and trust you, but that point when you can just depend on each other, someone to cook dinner for; doing laundry together, or doing the mundane tasks required of domestic life.
I have spent the last few years trying to do things for myself; and as much of an introvert i am who needs time to decompress and time alone; i really miss, not only the intimacy, but the silly conversations you’d have about how each others day was.
I have been trying hard to manage my expectations about potential dates. You don’t have to be perfect, just perfect to me. I have an idea in my head of who i’m looking for, but i don’t know if that person is looking for me.
recently i noticed my blog is getting more and more readers; and while i have no real way of knowing who is reading this thing; i’m pretty sure no one really cares what i’m writing about. they’re just enjoying the self deprecation and horrible prose.
I probably should describe more of those dating adventures i’d been on before… which i think i’ll get back to doing; rather than bitch and complain about being lonely and unwanted.