the apology.

I feel like one of us needs to apologize; and I’m pretty sure its me. There wasn’t anything she did to upset me, or give me any reason to treat her in any different way. She doesn’t owe me any excuses, or any sort of reason for how things happened. Its my fault.

Its hard, when you think about someone all the time, and daydream about them; and would do almost anything for them; and then one day, someone tells you, just to give up on that idea.

You’re told to give up on the idea of what you’ve built up in your mind as perfection; its tough to come back down to reality and try to move on to something else. No one, and nothing else compares to what you felt with that one person. No matter how much you try to distance yourself emotionally from them; and try to fill your head with thoughts of someone else instead.

They’re still the one you compare everyone new to; they’re the one you still would rather be with.

My divorce is almost complete. what could be as soon as May 9th if all goes as planned; and after that; i’ll officially be back to being me. just me. lowly me. That part of me is over; that relationship was not what it could have been, and i’ve learned a lot about myself and what i want in another relationship.\

Even considering her faults; she is still the one i’d rather be with. I miss her. I miss daily chit-chats; i miss trying to give her a smile; i miss that smile.

I don’t even know if thats what she wants; i have just pulled myself back on what someone else told me to do, because i thought thats what she would have wanted.

She just has to say something… anything…

 

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